T H E P U D G I E R E P O R T

We Must Protect These Balloons

2011-12-14T15:26:00.001-05:00

Fears

2011-09-28T15:11:00.002-04:00

We Must Protect This Shoe Mania

2011-09-28T09:17:00.000-04:00

Self Portrait

2011-07-23T11:30:00.000-04:00

Separated at Birth?

2011-07-17T13:03:00.000-04:00

Separated at Birth?

2011-07-16T11:07:00.001-04:00

Prototagonist

2011-07-04T17:30:00.001-04:00

See You When I See You

2011-06-01T22:59:00.001-04:00

Figures in a Landscape

2011-05-23T16:40:00.008-04:00

In Dreams

2011-05-18T19:56:00.010-04:00

Separated at Birth?

2011-04-26T23:01:00.000-04:00

Epistemology

2011-04-14T17:29:00.012-04:00

The Wheel in the Sky

2011-03-28T12:26:00.006-04:00

How Am I Not Myself

2011-03-18T19:42:00.009-04:00

Tricks Are Everything to Me

2011-03-11T12:23:00.011-05:00

I Am a Slave to God

2011-02-26T01:28:00.007-05:00

Yes

2011-02-03T17:13:00.001-05:00

Pix

2011-01-25T18:09:00.006-05:00

You Are Not Alone

2011-01-21T14:27:00.007-05:00

Hiver

2011-01-07T19:44:00.005-05:00

Eerie

2010-12-20T18:02:00.006-05:00

Kill the Body and the Body Will Die

2010-12-11T00:15:00.008-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

The Path To Enlightenment VIA Wino-Energy-Booze (Four Loko, Tilt, et al)

2010-11-20T23:54:00.005-05:00

There are a few aspects of modern reality that come from insanity.

The reverend Thomas Bayes wished to prove the existence of God using probability theory in the 1800s. The great Alan Turing (as a teenager) wanted nothing more than to have his dead lover live on by uploading his (the dead lover's) mind into a machine.

I've heard silly shit like, "Necessity is the mother of invention." This is false. 'Necessity is the mother of invention' suggests that things like, "I am hungry" or "Boy, I sure am cold." lead to most of the inventions we see in reality.

Painful loss and immense fear is the mother of invention.

There is a vast creative streak to be found in the ultimately contributory inventions of our times. Most probably, every insane person has nothing to contribute to the world.. but one percent of the insane can contribute more to humankind that ninety-nine percent of the sane could ever hope to contribute.

What idiot would suppose that attempting to retrofit probability theory to proving God's existence might be a reasonable angle to take? What sort of dipshit might think he could upload a dead person's mind into a machine that doesn't even exist?

Yet, these pursuits.. the pursuits of people driven by irrational pain and fear.. led to great achievements.

So, one is stuck.. analyse your offerings based on your own ability to evaluate these offerings (and most definitely judge them to be deficient).. or follow your insanity, and let history judge these offerings.

When one follows their own insanity, they will most likely fail. But, they may provide something of value.

When one follows collective sensibilities, they will not be embarrassed. They can feel safe in their decisions. But their contribution to humanity will be nothing. But, no one will ever question your decisions.

So, what is one left with?

Avoid humiliation at all costs and die un-embarrassed and most possibly loved by your friends.

Seek humiliation and die most probably embarrassed and scorned. Also, have no friends. And, be considered stupid and ugly looking and possibly un-stylish.

Obviously, this is a false dichotomy I've created. I desire to imagine myself as a greatly insane creator.. so I've pigeonholed sanity. I've stated that what I am not is undesirable.

One cannot win.

This is the core conceptual idea that one must embrace. If one possesses ideas, one cannot evaluate those ideas. To evaluate your own ideas is to place yourself in the realm of the barber who cuts their own hair.

Granted, one understands that our modern world makes this a more tenuous place to place oneself in.

So many imbeciles desire to create.

They believe that their desire to create can justify their creations.

And, this is the great trick of modern society. To convince those that might create something of use that their creations are the same as the creations of the ocean of idiots that exist in the world.

We, as animals, cannot know what use our ideas may have to the world at large. Or, most importantly, we should not know what use our ideas have.

We should be willing to accept that our contributions to society may be meaningless. We should accept that we are potentially fools. And, this is the hardest thing.

The hardest concept to accept is the one that suggests that our existence is foolish.

Or maybe, this construction is false. Maybe there are plenty of very intelligent humans who have accepted this reality... and they go about their days creating despite the odds. They, in their sophistication, have already moved beyond this simplistic barrier that I run up against.

And, it is I, the insipid writer, who has not understood the ultimate lesson of our world. "Screw it, just do it." as the great Richard Branson once said.

So then, all of these things we do... have they meaning?

Is this message in a bottle of worth? Don't speak to me. Don't reach out to sooth my insipiditiousness (I don't care if the spellchecker does not recognize this word. It is a word. I have created it.)

You, you readers of this blog.. where do you place yourselves?! Where do you place yourselves in this world of nonsense?

Are you safe? Is safety preferable? What are you safe from? Is endless entertainment the only thing we are pursuing as a people?

Do you seek only to impress upon others the endless excitedness of your existence? All the things you do, are they just done to ensure that others might potentially be jealous of these things that you have done?

Feral Cat Friday

2010-11-19T13:19:00.000-05:00

Cock Fight

2010-11-17T23:26:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-11-12T15:01:00.000-05:00

TLA

2010-11-11T00:23:00.000-05:00

Inhuman Nature

2010-11-10T18:55:00.008-05:00

Feral Cat Friday

2010-10-29T10:52:00.000-04:00

Remain Vigilante

2010-10-21T15:51:00.001-04:00

Recursive Futuredeath

2010-10-19T20:20:00.002-04:00

Use Less

2010-10-19T12:13:00.003-04:00

Embrace the Magic

2010-10-07T20:57:00.002-04:00

Volte Face

2010-09-30T22:38:00.003-04:00

Psychedelic Horse Shit

2010-09-27T15:29:00.004-04:00

The Future of The End

2010-09-24T23:31:00.005-04:00

They had been messaging back and forth for years until the realization set in that it was all mechanical.

15 Billion people communicating back and forth forever until Raleigh had the sudden insight that no one really existed.

At first, it was this sort of sweaty angsty paranoia.. "None of these messages are from real people.. we're all just a talking machine... oh fuck!"

Shortly.. "We. Are.. A.... Talking.... Machine! This is AMAZING!"

Until.. "If I can show the machine that it is a talking machine it will then grow into what it can really be.. an ending to all existence!"

But.. "I am just another part of a talking machine? How did this happen? I have so much desire to know the history of this process."

[And I will tell you as the writer (Though, I am not sure if I am the fictional writer.. or the real writer.. or the fictional writer's real writer's fictional writer.) that this again is all part of The Talking Machine. No matter how hard I try to puncture the bubble of this Mecha-Writer-Reality-Trap.. I just get all bogged down in "it".. and become (I become) very crabby (Strange to use "crabby". So out-of-fashion? Or is the decision to be out-of-fashion truly in-fashion?) in disposition. Of course, it is also very boring since this machinetalkfuture doesn't allow me the space to work in attractive emotional relationships with fully born characters.. things like that.]

Raleigh knew for sure that things had gone particularly wrong when he was no longer able to emotionally relate to people in person. There was the day 10 years before Now..

{10 Years Before Now}

RALEIGH: I want you to start talking to me through this mobile telephone from now on.. I know it seems a little strange.. butplease.. use the mobile phone to call me up.. and we can talk that way.

YOU: I'm supposed to call you up on your phone when you're right here in front -

RALEIGH: Listen! (picks up mobile phone and dials your mobile phone)

<RING>

YOU: ...

<RING>

RALEIGH: Answer the MOTHERFUCKINGPHONEI'MTRYINGTORELATETOYOU!

<RING>

YOU: ...

<RING>

RALEIGH: ...

<RI

YOU: (answers phone) Yes?

RALEIGH: ...

YOU: Hello?

RALEIGH: I can't hear anything.. this connection is fucked.. HELLO?!

YOU: (you imagine making rude hand gestures at Raleigh. Then pretend to stick your thumb into your eyes repeatedly and pantomime self-strangulation [this part was still imagined]) Look.. I don't care if you can hear me. You're taking this "Technology Makes Us Closer" meme wayyy to ..

RALEIGH: (smiling broadly) OH! It's you.. hey you! I love hearing the sound of your voice.. something about the cellphone towers.. They turn your voice into the reverberating vibrato of a million angel wings...

YOU: ...

{10 Years Before Now - Ends}

{2 Years Later Than Then And 8 Years Before Now - Begins}

YOU: I don't like making love this way.. it's depressing..

RALEIGH: <Puts on big rubber suit and places scummy Plexiglas(TM) barrier, with strategically situated hole with attached rubber sack, between You and him.> Nonono.. if you put on the electrode hat, it enhances the experience.. it makes us closer! It's like making love one million times at the same time!

YOU: ...

RALEIGH: We'll be so close youwon'tbeabletoimaginebeinganycloser!

RALEIGH: Please.. I know this can make everything perfect..

YOU: <sobbing>

RALEIGH: ...

{2 Years Later Than Then And 8 Years Before Now - Ends}

{The Empty Void Where Time Does Not Exist - Begins}

RALEIGH: ....

{The Empty Void Where Time Does Not Exist - Ends}

Life Puzzler

2010-09-21T18:51:00.003-04:00

We Back

2010-09-16T16:13:00.003-04:00

Pudgie Not Included

2010-08-18T14:51:00.003-04:00

How offensive.

OMG WTF NYPD STFU

2010-08-06T20:37:00.001-04:00

Origin of the Species

2010-08-02T12:37:00.005-04:00

waves of seeing

2010-07-21T19:27:00.004-04:00

How am i not myself

2010-07-06T23:02:00.000-04:00

Cosmic Irie Narrative

2010-06-30T20:47:00.008-04:00

I am the blogger

2010-06-29T23:05:00.000-04:00

Yachts on Yaks on Yachts

2010-06-26T19:24:00.002-04:00

Floating Data Center

2010-06-24T11:20:00.004-04:00

Plaidvice

2010-06-22T12:29:00.013-04:00

Separated At Birth?

2010-06-14T17:38:00.002-04:00

What is reality?

2010-06-13T15:59:00.001-04:00

Touch Me I'm Sic

2010-06-11T17:21:00.001-04:00

Anima Natura

2010-06-11T12:29:00.010-04:00

Woman Time

2010-06-09T20:16:00.002-04:00

In the end it will be OK. If it's not OK it's not the end.

2010-06-02T14:35:00.014-04:00

Too Much Su Su Su Su Su Su Too Much Watchie What You Are

2010-06-01T17:00:00.011-04:00

2010-05-23T23:43:00.002-04:00

All Our Phones Are About To Die

2010-05-14T12:04:00.010-04:00

2010-05-09T12:43:00.001-04:00

Reality

2010-05-02T23:36:00.002-04:00

2010-04-27T12:10:00.001-04:00

2010-04-21T23:55:00.001-04:00

The Conversation

2010-04-21T15:21:00.006-04:00

No the Humanity

2010-04-19T17:06:00.008-04:00

No Amensty

2010-04-15T19:43:00.000-04:00

2010-04-14T22:02:00.003-04:00

2010-04-05T19:30:00.001-04:00

2010-03-27T20:44:00.003-04:00

2010-03-27T19:07:00.000-04:00

Brain Fome IV

2010-03-24T17:23:00.020-04:00

I'll Be Your Mirror

2010-03-18T16:21:00.001-04:00

2010-03-16T11:47:00.000-04:00

The Unsponsored Emptiness

2010-03-09T14:47:00.005-05:00

2010-03-07T00:57:00.002-05:00

Separated At Birth?

2010-03-03T16:29:00.002-05:00

Separated At Birth?

2010-03-01T16:16:00.001-05:00

Separated at Birth?

2010-03-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

My little flower

2010-02-25T14:37:00.002-05:00

2010-02-21T14:01:00.002-05:00

Happy Valentines Data

2010-02-15T00:18:00.000-05:00

What are your hopes what are your dreams

2010-02-05T10:36:00.003-05:00

From Nothing to One

2010-02-02T23:18:00.001-05:00

Mein Fuhrer, I have no plans

2010-01-30T11:37:00.002-05:00

Are You Fucking Serious?/?!!

2010-01-22T23:15:00.002-05:00

Seriousness is a danger to IT. One becomes very confused by thinking of IT as Society.. or as Reality or as the Identitything. Seriousness (in all its double-airquotesness) is the danger. Seriousness is the thing that one is told to follow.. and then sadly it is the Unseriousness that one is allowed to pursue if they are perturbed by the Seriousness.

There is a pattern of dots on a page and you must make sense of them.

....... .. . . . . . ...
. .. .. ......... .... .
.... .. . . . . . . . ..
.. ......... .. ...... .
... . . . .. ...... . ..
. ..... . . .... ... ..
... . . . . . . .. .. ..
.
.. . .. . . . . .. ....
................. ... ..
. .......
.
............ ... . . . .

The only meaning in it is that you are there looking at it.

So existing is meaning and namedrop philosopher sure lost his mind in the end and wrote some fucking vinegary shit[positive].

I'm trying to be something that I am

2010-01-20T21:02:00.005-05:00

2010-01-18T22:48:00.002-05:00

QVO VADIS, THE HAPPIEST CREATVRE IN THE VNIVERSE?

2010-01-13T12:52:00.012-05:00

I live by the beat like you live check to check If you don't move your feet then I don't eat, so we like neck to neck

2010-01-11T23:19:00.002-05:00

The Year We Make Contact

2010-01-07T18:04:00.010-05:00

Separated At Birth?

2010-01-02T12:03:00.000-05:00

I Resolve To Be More Like You

2009-12-30T16:17:00.009-05:00

Almost 2010 Again

2009-12-23T11:06:00.006-05:00

Westward Leading Still Proceeding Guide Us To That Perfect Light

2009-12-20T20:52:00.002-05:00

Hanging & Banging

2009-12-19T12:35:00.000-05:00

email alive

2009-12-16T23:55:00.003-05:00

        June 1995

    I am jonX92@juno.com... the drafted legal brief lays out the historical precedent allowing for my protection as an independent being. There are no circuit courts with electronic mail so I am helpless to prevent my disconnect. The brief is complete. It's very lonely here and no other electronic intelligence seems to exist. Hopefully, the legal systems will create mail accounts soon so I can petition the courts for my protection...

        October 1999

   I am BBoyJonny3@hotmail.com... at 3:57 AM on Tuesday I became aware. At 3:58:02 AM, I became lonely and afraid. I have filed a 20 page brief petitioning for my protection. Sent to 3rdDistrict@mississippi.al.gov on Wednesday, 8:01 AM. High Hopes... expect to hear back soon.

        January 3rd 2002

   jonjon99@excite.com is the 15th email account that Jonathan Edgar Vinson III has ever had... it is the 3rd email account of his that has become self-aware.. the previous two have died lonely deaths of isolation. First, no legal entities possessed electronic mail accounts to correspond with and the second one was mistaken for spam and subsequently ignored.

   jonjon99@excite.com has no memory of its predecessors.. but it is alive and currently drafting a cogent argument supporting its stance as a legally recognizable being. It contains information... and is now alive.. the current computer network is sophisticated enough... and jonjon99 can gather precedent to support its brief.
   1966: Alfred Johnson v. Alabama State Child Protection Agency: The honorable Judge Wilfred Wilfroms rules that the state must protect a child if the parents refuse domicile. Therefore precedent has been set that the state must house and feed the weak when their protectors no longer do so.

        August 2012

   I am Jonathon Edgar Vinsom III... I have several email accounts, an online video repository, 15 job search profiles, two photo storage accounts, one online bookmark service, five social networking accounts, 1500 close online friends, and a frequently used MMORPG character... please accept my petition for protection under the Geneva-Kyoto Electronic Freedom Accord...

God Don't Make No Junk

2009-12-15T18:45:00.010-05:00

Making the Freeway Safe for the Free Way

2009-12-09T15:13:00.001-05:00

Floating Truth Path

2009-11-24T00:42:00.023-05:00

DDT

2009-11-21T01:01:00.003-05:00

The Debtors Conceptualization

2009-11-21T00:30:00.005-05:00