The humans are excited because the United Staples Co. where they work has a new precedent. My cousin V tells me his minders were smoking pot and yelling at the television the other night, screaming “Chicken, not shit covered in glass!” I'm not going to pretend I understand. This morning the clock radio woke my humans up barely in time to feed me. While I was waiting for them to spoon delicious canned meats into my bowl, I heard an important-sounding human voice say that the problem with the company isn’t that we export used kitty litter to the third world, it’s that we don’t export enough.
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