Allow Me to Mega-Introduce Myself

I'm Versace, Pudgie's cuz. As in because of the wonderful things she does. I'm her cousin. I'm a voice coming out the side of her mouths. Like a cigarette, but I smoke you. That's how it iz. You can ask Giz. I stole your girl while you were in prison...



Snapshot Saturday

The humans are drunk on sake, Sancerre and tequila--watching Sex in the City and Conan. High on second-hand smoke, I am here with you, always ...


collision collusion collagin'

As some may not know, the cat, this cat and all cats, see the humans in 12 dimensions. You, as humans, see the above as two representations of youth.. types if you will. Pudgie sees just 2 dimensions of one √úberperson. Maybe you see the past- and the future-youth while I see The Youth.. All at once; throughout time; dissolving and exploding into the void.

They are conquering the future and losing that victorious spoil in this single instant. In every single instant.

Losing and winning.. over and over and over and over and over...

at the same time.



and ov

Feral Cat Friday

We will destroy you with our feral laser eyes.


Is That an Extended Balcony or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Sometimes the humans sit around and drink alcohol imported from countries with different humans. They laugh and they talk about handsome buildings and Vidal Sasson jeans and other people having sex. As stated previously, my life is one of methodical protest. I'm like Lady Chatterly's lover but with a blog instead of a lady. Maybe it's just me but I feel like all the humans are stranded in a wheelchair called Retarded Antiseptic Purposes and Repressed Desire Manifesting in Expensive Watches. I am also in a wheelchair but mine has rockets and is painted fucking awesome colors. My wheelchair is called Fuckin-A I'm a Motherfucking Cat. Is there really a difference between these wheelchairs? Sadly, no, brother-man. Yes there is, sister-girl.

Film Strip Via the Hellcat Pudgie's Understanding of Humans as Love Machines That Exhibit Joy and Then Kill Each Other


We Are Branson, We Are One

While I would rather spend this evening staring at my mother, longing for her love and affection, I felt tonight I should clarify my compassion and interest in the WORD of Branson--if such clarification is even needed. When in 1970 one man suggested that power is not vested in the author, but rather in the readers of "the text" and more recently a man reminded us that his presidential election was not about "him" per se, but about "us," we were then, and now, forced to face the mirror and recognize that the effects of a bold actor do not "trickle down" but rather that they are manifestations of our longings, meanings, and wants. Hence our interest in a man who went from rags to riches, as profiled in his autobiography "Losing My Virginity"-- born under the sun sign of Cancer, yet another handicap in the scheme of this mad universe that's worth mentioning -- a man who has come to fully reflect the TRUE power of modern Capitalism. I say, there is something worth honoring, with knee bent, the full potential of this "actor" whose being makes complete, profound sense.

Maybe Duck?

Call me Pudgie. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no catnip, and nothing particular to interest me in the living room, I thought I would loiter a little and see the watery part of the apartment. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before the humans' television, and bringing up the rear of my buttocks so that they can view my anus; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper paw, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the hallway and methodically scratching and biting the humans' ankles until they fall down to the wood floor - then, I account it high time to get to the bathroom as soon as I can. This is my substitute for sex since I have been neutered. With a philosophical flourish Fido fetches his sticks; I quietly take to the WC. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all cats in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the litter.


Branson I: The Living Word

Versace: Remember my friend who wanted me to buy gold shares?
Now he wants to start an investment group among me and 4 friends
this is what he is encouraging us to do:

"Emerging markets lag the US and Europe. There are still a whole lot of people in these markets. Foreign companies that serve those expanding markets and that are well capitalized (i.e. have access to liquidity in a sustained downturn) will do well (and will offer nice dividends). Therefore, when we see the bottom in the US (maybe post election?) get back in to top-tier emerging market growth. This fund is heavy on Brazil which I like too.”

"Silver is both a precious Metal and an industrial Metal. As the economy starts to grow again, demand for silver rises. Its also a nice inflation hedge (which seems inevitable by spring) since its backed by hard assets. What's more this mining company has locked-in contracts to purchase all or a portion of the silver production from mines in Mexico, Sweden, Peru, Greece and the US at low fixed costs (i.e. their extraction costs don't rise with the price of oil)"

Pudgie: hehe.. though, my thoughts are similar.. i think in about 3-6 months maybe invest some long term money in emerging markets.. like Africa, or the most emerging of the emerging.. but.. that's for looooong term (30 years) investing.. not for making some cash in 3 years or anything..
as for the inflation thingy.. and precious metals as hedge
that's a reasonable bet.. but my macro concern is that while currency will increase.. the money supply may decrease.. and metal prices won't necessarily increase but who knows
tell him you should start a fund investing rich peep money
all the hedge funds will collapse, and you can start a new one..
and collect fees

Versace: the only thing i would trust this guy to do with money is smoke it

Pudgie: he's perfect for starting a fund then

Versace: you seem sympathetic to his ideas, im surprised, i think he’s thinking very short term
he made 11k in the last month just futzing around
but the dow is spastic based on people trying to get rich off panic

Pudgie: well.. ideas.. really, are meaningless.. you make lots of money by risking lots of money
and you can be right on an idea but still lose you money due to timing
a lot of people think metals are some sure thing bet
like free money
i do not believe that. i think it's going to be a big upset for these metals gamblers
as for foreign markets being better growers or however he said it.. that, in my opinion, is total bullshit
foreign companies do NOT have access to cash.. a lot of emerging economies are going to get zapped bad in next 6 months

Versace: interesting

Pudgie: also, the market is spastic because.. it's locked up. money isn't moving as freely. so large entities are buying or selling in these spastic chunks

Versace: i often have the feeling abt people that talk trends in the market, that the way they think is part of a social consciousness, the way all of a sudden people get the same haircut without realizing it is a trend, that you should do the opposite of what people think, to avoid a trend... otherwise you're trying to cash in on the same hunch

Pudgie: hehe.. good thinking
i wouldn't trust anyone with an MBA
car salesmen.. that's what they is..
no offense to any mbas
maybe you should get ideas from him and we can start a fund where we do the exact opposite of what he is doing?

Versace: that would be a very interesting experiment, but unfortunately it leads us back to a prior question, what is the exact opposite of a noun

Pudgie: you say. "how are you playing Metals now, market genie?"
and if he says, "I'm buying Jan Calls on gold miners"
we short gold miners

Versace: i will tell him to invest in the fledgling abstract concept of "Two Yaks One Yacht"

Pudgie: aight.. "Two Yaks One Yacht One Global Financial Crisis"
oh.. if you ever email him back, ask him how he's playing the currency markets

Versace: 2 Yaks 1 Yacht 0 Inc.

Pudgie: I'd start that up.. shit.. running a hedge fund will be the way to go.. i say we start "2 Yaks 1 Yacht ∞ Capital LLC"
and push our bonafides as not having been to business schoool
or having been involved at all in any of the bs that led up to this

Versace: how much $ do we need?

Pudgie: well.. we have to go to parties and smooze rich folks for at least a few million
maybe we say we are boutique..

Versace: done!

Pudgie: and you can only put in $10 million
so.. please.. no more than that, ok?

Versace: this all sounds so, uh, doable

Pudgie: yeah.. i Mean.. shit.. i just walk down to the 11th floor.. find out from the manhattan real estate brokers who their biggest clients are
ones selling $20 mil units and shit
and then i contact teh customer.. and all charm them and say
"Hey man... you can't put the entire $20 mil into our fund.. but we can fit $10 mil in."

Versace: good strategy

Pudgie: i gotta start going to more parties with rich people
you know where they hang?

Versace: hotels
i think our ladies are tapped in with a few

Pudgie: yeah.. need to tell them to get richies to cough up the dough

Versace: but we might lose them in the process
they’ll come back to us when we're rich

Pudgie: aight.. yeah, leave them out of this.. we have to find outside rich peep
absurdly rich
ridiculously rich

Versace: branson?

Pudgie: i wanna be ridiculously branson
i think you just did it

Versace: we could cut him off in the atlantic, somali pirate style...

Pudgie: "branson" is the new "hot"
i want a branson bank account.. soMe fucking branson clothes... and a branson pad

Versace: and a branson spaceship

Pudgie: yeah.. and a branson planet to land my branson ass spaceship on that branson shit

Versace: i want a branson feeling

Pudgie: branson!
you need that branson worldview
branson Mentality

Versace: you know how much that branson emotion costs?

Pudgie: Bransonology

Versace: Bransonofagun!

Pudgie: Bransonofagedduboudit

Versace: 2 Yachts 1 Yak 1,000,000,000 Bransons Inc.

Pudgie: Branson Yachts Branson Yak Branson Bransons Inc?
Is branson branson branson?

Versace: Dick Branson's Yak Club Inc.

Pudgie: Branson Note?

Versace: Branson & Sons

Pudgie: Open SUndays?

Versace: exactly - we will change the calendar

Pudgie: i say we start a branson movement

Versace: like julius C

Pudgie: all numbers are Branson
so you have..
Bransonday the Branson of Branson
instead of Sunday the 1st of july
could compress all words down to branson
so.. every book would just be one word.. "Branson"

Versace: it's an inflection based semiotics

Pudgie: yah.. and also writing based
so.. depending on how you write "Branson"

Versace: all written signs are Branson, but we return more to an oral tradition

Pudgie: you got it
maybe could allow spacing
"b Ra n Son"
"bra n SON"

Versace: my response would be like "ha ha ha aa ha ha! that was funny" except i'd say "Br AN son"

Pudgie: "BRANsOn"



Versace: i like Bra n Son
very oedipal

Pudgie: or gangsta branson.. like "what's up Bra n Son"?

Versace: word

Pudgie: guess not saMe without teh "h"
but.. coudl say that if you saw one of your brahs with his son

Versace: or your baby mama + child

Pudgie: bRAn s o N

Versace: esp fitting if your baby mama is a hermaphrodite

Pudgie: bransonrodite

Versace: bransonofsam

Pudgie: bransonofsammich?

Versace: bransanfordandson

Pudgie: this is an entire new language we have discovered. these words have NEVER existed before.. every new one we discover..
the entire world of ideas grows
we are advancing bransonkind

Versace: it's sort of like the language concept of "smurf" but bransonized

Pudgie: nah, this is totally new
totally unlike the inferior smurf concept
this is branson

Versace: b r a n so n

Pudgie: b r a n s o n b r a n s o n b r a s o n b r a n s o n branson b r a n s o n b r a n s o n b r a n s o n b r a n s o n
b r an s o n b r a ns o n b r a s on b r an s o n branson b r a n s on b r an s o nb r a n s on b r a ns o n

Versace: that shit is obtaining
it's a mixture of onan and 7-digit code

Pudgie: branso n?
(translation: "does branson allow re-arranging branson?"

Versace: b
s o

Pudgie: ranbrso!

Versace: r b a s onn

Pudgie: raB s n?

Versace: a bro son

Pudgie: O ra Bsnn?

Versace: n'abronos

Pudgie: BRANSno?!

Versace: bras ONN!

Pudgie: b ransON..

Versace: non bras!

Pudgie: sraB nno

Versace: i think "Bras ONN" amd "Non Bras" shd signify the Yes or No of Branson language, but which is which

Pudgie: depends on branson-context
or the Meta-branson situalisationability

Versace: there is no fixed branson, only branson

Pudgie: bras on.

Versace: bras ONN!

Pudgie: bras on! branson1!

Versace: n=0, n=bras

Pudgie: then branson

Versace: BRANSON

branson*branson = BRANSON
(bras on)*(branson) = no branson
(non bras)*(branson)= ?

Versace: (non bras)*(branson) = nonnon branson [matrix=branson] / Rob A Sno
+ branson

Pudgie: Rob A Sno + branson!?

Versace: we must move to Branson, MO

Pudgie: non bras

Versace: bros b4 bras non?

Pudgie: non bras
non bras b4 bros!
not sure what "non bras" means when used as something beside yes/no

Versace: it Means "no french brassieres"

Pudgie: was thinking like "no bras on my french girls".. but the meaning is bransonable

Versace: sans orbs

Pudgie: on barns..

Versace: S.O.B. Arm
m can be two n's if put together, e.g. Om bras
the n's conjoin

Pudgie: Om bras == Onn bras

Versace: Bras ONN!

Pudgie: branson has bransoned

Versace: bn Arson

Pudgie: how coMe "has" and "has"?

Versace: has and has?

Pudgie: Branson has to Branson
Branson has branson
this is off the branson topic

Versace: as if that's bransonically possible

Pudgie: i can has soMething
or i can has done soMething

Versace: third branson vs first branson?

Pudgie: yeah, i got blasted out of bransonville and stuck on meanings of “has”

Versace: having, as in having a cheezeburger, vs having, as in having to do something

Pudgie: or has done something
like.. branson has made money.
and branson has money
how is it the word has those two uses? you aren't possessing "made money" is branson?
how is has two diff things.. if.. we accept the general bransonizeability principle.. has = has.. has != has is unbransonable
"non-finite" verb..!?

Versace: branson is possessing "made money" not in a material sense but in a time/action sense

Pudgie: ∞ verb

Versace: i have thought abt this deeply vs i have deep thoughts
i have the process of thinking abt it vs i have the thought

Pudgie: hmm
i accept the answer!

Versace: it's part of a construction, so its meaning within the construction is more inscrutable
but i think that's how they might relate

Pudgie: yeah, don't go into the cracks
then you can't get out

Versace: non bras

Pudgie: i donno.. has verbed vs has noun
i have to sleep on this
now i'm out of branson abranson

Versace: I have my actions vs i have things
or i have actions vs i have things

Pudgie: stock market went inverse-branson today

Versace: silver?

Pudgie: silver will go BRANSON
that's my branson-emoticon



It Takes a Village to Destroy a Village in Order to Save It from Being Saved

The humans are excited because the United Staples Co. where they work has a new precedent. My cousin V tells me his minders were smoking pot and yelling at the television the other night, screaming “Chicken, not shit covered in glass!” I'm not going to pretend I understand. This morning the clock radio woke my humans up barely in time to feed me. While I was waiting for them to spoon delicious canned meats into my bowl, I heard an important-sounding human voice say that the problem with the company isn’t that we export used kitty litter to the third world, it’s that we don’t export enough.



“I will come to a time in my backwards trip when November eleventh, accidentally my birthday, was a sacred day called Armistice Day. When I was a boy, all the people of all the nations which had fought in the First World War were silent during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of Armistice Day, which was the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

“It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one and another. I have talked to old men who were on battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the voice of God. So we still have among us some men who can remember when God spoke clearly to mankind.

“Armistice Day has become Veterans’ Day. Armistice Day was sacred. Veterans’ day is not.

“So I will throw Veterans’ Day over my shoulder. Armistice Day I will keep. I don’t want to throw away any sacred things.

“What else is sacred? Oh, Romeo and Juliet, for instance.

“And all music is.”

"Kenner claims that eleven is Joyce's "number of hope, of potentiality: and yet also of death, since new potential can only dislodge potential unfulfilled."


What is "The Puke"?

What is "The Puke"?

What is the puke? Is there a difference in these two sentences? What is "the puke" and what is the puke?

I spend nights wondering to myself what is my puke?

What do I spend my nights wondering? Sometimes knowledge is not so straightforward as one might like... but, in the end, it is generally illuminating.

I grow sad in this un-knowledge I know so deeply.. this puke, my puke... our puke.

You, as people, may smirk at my pukedness or my puckilasciousness.. but you do not understand that this is my firm rejection of what you offer me. Plate after plate.. day after day.. so how do we meet "in the tween" as they say (do they say this... am I creating this?)?

Yet, you know deep down that my puke is your puke.. that it is we who puke together. We are puking at once as one. We are making love metaphorically, literally, pukedly... disgustingly... and this weight winds us together and sinks us to the bottom (and to the top, the very top) of the most beautiful spire.

And in this pool of puke, our puke.. we will wallow and make a new world. Or, I hope we shall make this new world.

Will you join me? Will you join Pudgie?


The Anarchist Cookbook

The Politics of Puke

I like to eat a lot. As in I like to eat frequently and I like to eat a lot of food. But sometimes I vomit after I eat. Now the humans take my food away after I've only had a few bites. Check. This is their strategy, to help me "digest the food" so I won't puke as much. But since I know they're always going to pull the food away, now I eat really really REALLY fast. Check Mate. It's basic game theory. Now I puke even more. I mean, what the fuck, right?

So until they let me vote, this is the way I express my dissatisfaction with the "way things are." As they take away my right to eat as I like--fast and furious--I now I puke fast and furious. For each action from above, there is a counter reaction. So I say, puke on my kindred souls. It's your body, which they can never control.

Midnight Ravers

This summer I listened to Jah radio and heard this song for the first time.

You can't tell the woman from the man
'cause they're dressed in the same pollution
Their mind is confused with confusion
With their problems since they've no solution
They become the midnight ravers.

I see ten thousand chariots
And they coming without horses
The riders - they cover their face
So you couldn't make them out in smoky places
In that musical stampede, where everyone is doing their thing
People ride on.

I've become a night-life raver
And I'm beggin' you, please, please
Please don't let me down.

Meow Rastafari.